Scribbles
I'm currently an arts student at the University of British Colombia. But on the side, I'm a photographer, writer, and I guess some would say even an artist. I'm a lover of everything Shakespeare, film and play wise. Spanish is my passion.
Yo pienso, luego yo existo.

We cannot live like people asleep - Anaximenes
15-10-2012

winding roads 

whispering winds 

wandering through my mind 

quick tongues 

quicker flamenco fingers

plucking the strings of my heart 

the ancient cracks 

curled in iron 

imprinted beauty in my eyes

doorways laced in flowered garments 

flourishing shards of azul  

piecing my mosaic together

    15-10-2012

    Enamorado con España

    i wish i could tell you

    how the night shines

    under the pale moonlight

    of this ancient love 

    but words could never express

    what the eyes drink in 

    this beauty, only truth

    steals my breath 

    like the nights we never held 

    remind me, my love 

    of the wonder, of the lust

    lost in the effervescent lights 

    of the ageless city below 

      23-07-2012

      Rocks in A River

                She stared out the window at the gray world, lost, dreaming. Coffee in one hand, a pen in the other. She stared out into the world but saw nothing real, only shapes in the sky and colours in the landscape that reminded her. She put her pen once again to the blank paper, there was a thousand things she wanted to say but she just couldn’t. She couldn’t say any of it. When did this get so hard? She removed the pen from the paper once more. She was filled with words and emotions but to express any of them would only lead to painful thoughts and realizations. How did this get so complicated, when did emotions become so breakable? It was all so simple before. Until love. Love, that beautiful, fragile, heart-wrenching, idiotic thing. She didn’t know what do with herself but she had to remember that after all, it was her choice. All of this was her choice. 

       

                  She put the pen back on the paper once more and began writing. She started a sentence but immediately scratched it out, she began another but got only five words down before scratching it out as well. Trying again she simply wrote I miss you. Hesitating a moment before replacing miss with love. They were the perfect three words, but also the most painful three. She stared at the words a few moments longer then crumpled up the paper and tossed it onto the floor where it joined a mound of similarly discarded pieces of crumpled paper. Oh love. What did she know of love? Nothing. The answer was nothing.

       

      It was about time she did something; sitting around in the apartment was beginning to feel hopeless and suffocating. Quickly throwing on some semblance of clothing she headed for the door. As the elevator slowly fell towards the ground she restlessly laced up her running shoes and fumbled around in her pockets for her ipod, today was one of those days that the world just needed to be drowned out. Finally the elevator reached the ground and she took off running. She ran and ran and ran in no particular direction. She ran past bleak concrete high-rises, empty restaurant patios, glossy office buildings covered in cloudy reflections and finally came across a park with a forested pathway. An old familiar tune began to blast through her ears, hitting her brain like a freight train. She wanted to cry and laugh and scream and to just disappear off the face of the planet as the words began banging around in her skull like a bird stuck in a cage. Your skin and bones, turning into something beautiful, d’you know… She couldn’t take it; she ripped the cords out her ears and hurled that stupid piece of technology into the depths of the forest, leaving her in a world of silence. She ran faster and faster down the pathway until her lungs burned and eventually collapsed onto a grimy wooden bench.

       

      She had always been a runner, and a good one at that. She’d run at track meets during her elementary and high school years, she had run from her house and moved in with her mother when her father married that other woman, she had run away from all her high school relationships, and when the time came, she had run to the other side of the country for university to get away from her parents and that small, suffocating town she called home. And now she was doing it again. 

       

                  Collapsed on the bench, breathing heavily, head in hands, a single tear rolled down her cheek. Every ounce of her was exhausted. But the second she stopped running, she began remembering. Remembering the blue of his eyes, the sound of his voice, his hand on her skin. She remembered the look on his face when she walked out the door, the teary eyes of her friends when they said goodbye, the look on her parents’ faces when she got on that airplane, the last looks. She couldn’t sit any longer.

                 

                  With a heavy sigh she hauled her body off the bench and began to aimlessly wander further down the forested path. Even though her ipod now sat somewhere among the ruffled leaves on the mossy floor, she could still hear that song, and felt a pang of sorrow as the melody dragged her into the depths of her memories. It was their song. She couldn’t stop playing the song in her head, she had become a broken record. D’you know, you know I love you so, you know I love you so… With each note she fell deeper and deeper into her memories, even the best memories now felt painful. His laugh, his arms around her, his smell, his kiss, the look on his face when she told him. She tried to stop the memories, she didn’t want to think of him, but everything reminded her of him. Everything. That dreadful feeling was growing inside her, she missed him, she missed him so much that not just her heart but her everything seemed to ache, it almost felt like her soul ached. Could a soul ache? Was that even possible? She wasn’t sure but right now it felt like someone was playing tug of war with her heartstrings and she was losing.

       

                  She found herself wondering off the path and onto little forest trails, winding deeper and deeper into the forest, she could hear the gurgle of a river somewhere nearby and followed her ears. After wandering about for a while she finally found it, a little tumble of blue racing in between two muddy banks, strewn with rocks and bits of unknown debris. It was perfect. It was alive. Climbing down towards the riverbank she caught a glimpse of something in the water. Getting closer and closer, her shoes nearly in the water, she looked down and saw that hidden amongst the grimy fragments was a smooth, beautifully coloured rock. A rock that had clearly been worn down by time and the pounding current in the riverbed but now it was polished. Polished. Who knew that such damage could result in something so beautiful. She leaned over to retrieve the polished stone from the grime but then her foot slipped. Falling backwards. The sky. Black out.

       

                  She was in his arms, her head resting on his chest as they lay together in his queen sized bed. She looked up at him but he was staring straight ahead, his gaze lost somewhere past the windowpane where the morning light was streaming into the quiet room. She raised her hand to his left cheek, his eyes still lost somewhere else. She stroked his cheek, and raised her head to kiss his right cheek, still nothing. Lightly grabbing his chin and tilting his face down towards her, she seemed to break his trance. He looked down at her, his blue eyes cloudy and dim. Normally, she loved the colour of his eyes in the morning light but today they weren’t the same. Those weren’t his clear blue oceans. He gazed at her for a moment, squeezing her tightly then got up and disappeared into the bathroom. He came back to her, his blond hair full of sunlight. Sitting onto the bed, he leaned over her, kissing her, sweeter than he ever had before.

      “I need to tell you something…” he whispered…

        Ring. Ring. Ring, The longest three rings of her life.

      “Hi.” He said

      “Hi.” She said back.

      There were lots of little words, lots of big silences. Some muffled words, some deep breaths. Some silent tears which resounded across the phone lines. Handfuls of grass were strewn across the field from being pulled out by her restless hands.

      “I’ll really miss you,” he whispered.

      “I’ll miss you too,” she fumbled back.

      “I should go…have to…make dinner… or something…” his whispered voice trailing off.

      “Ok.” Was all she could manage to say.

      “Bye…”

      “Bye.”

      Click.

       She sat on the kitchen table staring at him as he stood at the stove moving around food in a frying pan. He turned and looked at her, smiling, his eyes dancing as he made some smart-ass remark. Laughing, they looked at each other, really looking at each other. At that moment she was so perfectly content with life. “You’re the best,” he said. She reached out to grab him…

      “Hello?…Hello?! Are you okay?…HELLO?”

       

      She woke up, gasping for air, still drowning in her memories. Sunlight blinded her for a moment or two, his face appearing in front of her, she reached out to touch it, just one last time, but a second later it melted away, a stranger invading her vision. She gazed at the face for a moment, confused.

       

      “What?” She said finally.   

      “Are you okay?” He asked again.

      “Uhh…I guess so?” She responded uncertainly.

      “I was walking by the river and saw you fall…”

       

      She began to sit up, everything in her body was hurting.

       

      “How’s your head?” He asked her.

       

      She touched the back of it and felt a twinge of pain. Must have hit it on the way down.

       

      “Little tender,” she replied back, “But I’m okay. Don’t worry about it.”

      A sliver of sunlight had finally escaped the clouds, it’s reflection now dancing upon the waves of the rushing river. They watched the water play with the flickers of light, silence passing between them. Both trying to gather their thoughts.

       

      “What were you doing so close to the river?” He suddenly asked her, looking over at her with his curious brown eyes.

       

      “I…I was trying to pick up that rock…” she said pointing at the rock as the embarrassment crept into her face.

       

      “You’re lucky you didn’t fall into the river,” he remarked, submerging his hand into the cold, clear water and picking up the rock. “Here.” He said handing the rock to her.

       

      “Thanks,” she whispered with a sheepish smile. She turned it over in hands a few times, admiring its lines and colours. It was so smooth, so polished. He asked her once more if she was okay and she assured him multiple times that she would be fine, finally he stood up and began to make his way back into the forest. 

       

                  She sat on the riverbank, absent-mindedly running her fingers across the polished rock, and began to think about things. For real this time. She sat there for a while, thinking, and crying, thinking, and then crying some more. She contemplated a lot of things, realized a few things, and decided that maybe it was time to stop running. Everything had happened for a reason, and now she was where she had wanted to be. Being here without him, without all of them, hurt. It hurt a lot, she wasn’t sure she could even bare it sometimes, but in the end, this was all for the best. Life had never really been easy, she had a lot of fights against the current a lot that left her jagged and worn out but maybe in time, with the right amount of pain and pressure she too, like the rock, would be polished. 

       

        09-07-2012

        What do you do when you love two people at the same time?

          09-07-2012

          it wasn’t a long distance kind of love

          sparks flew when we touched 

          the heat all consuming

          but memories grow cold

          love withers in the mind 

          fires can’t continue to burn on just thoughts of wood 

          and that is how it ends

            09-07-2012

            On the outside everything looks normal. All shiny and perfect like a magazine cover. But we all know it’s a lie. People wonder why I moved to the opposite side of the country. It’s because my world here is a lie. 

              09-07-2012

              It’s hard watching things fall apart. Like watching that mural of your life slowly disintegrate, the colours fading, the shapes changing, the wall slowly crumbling back to the ground it was built on. Back to nothing. Stability has never been more than just a word to me but part of me always thought it existed somewhere out there. Now hope is turning to doubt. 

                Reblogged from totrulyexist on 09-07-2012

                So Great.

                So Great.

                (Source: puta-tengo-chistes-locos)

                  29-06-2012

                  Choices

                  It was one of those cloudy mornings, raindrops indecisively falling from the sky, not quite rain, not quite anything. Faded natural light lay across apartment, the bright fluorescent lights still asleep. The sultry voice of a heartsick jazz singer filled the spaces in between the shadows, the gloom, the empty chairs and bed sheets. The sweet aroma of freshly brewed coffee sat in the air, the only sense of happiness to be found. She sat upon the window seat, a quilt wrapped around her body. She stared out the window at the gray world, lost, dreaming. Coffee in one hand, a pen in the other. She stared out into the world but saw nothing real, only shapes in the sky and colours in the landscape that reminded her. She put her pen once again to the blank paper, there was a thousand things she wanted to say but she just couldn’t. She couldn’t say any of it. When did this get so hard? She removed the pen from the paper once more. She was filled with words and emotions but to express any of them would only lead to painful thoughts and realizations. How did this get so complicated, when did emotions become so breakable? It was all so simple before. Until love. Love, that beautiful, fragile, heart-wrenching, idiotic thing. She didn’t know what do with herself but she had to remember that after all, it was her choice. All of this was her choice. 

                              She put the pen back on the paper once more and began writing. She started a sentence but immediately scratched it out, she began another but got only five words down before scratching it out as well. Trying again she simply wrote I miss you. Hesitating a moment before replacing miss with love. They were the perfect three words, but also the most painful three words. She stared at the words a few moments longer then crumpled up the paper and tossed it onto the floor where it joined the mound of similarly discarded pieces of crumpled paper. Oh love. What did she know of love? Nothing. The answer was nothing. 

                  It was about time she did something; sitting around in the apartment was beginning to feel hopeless and suffocating. Quickly throwing on some semblance of clothing she headed for the door. As the elevator slowly fell towards the ground she restlessly laced up her running shoes and fumbled around in her pockets for her ipod, today was one of those days that the world just needed to be drowned out. Finally the elevator reached the ground and she took off running. She ran and ran and ran in no particular direction. She ran past bleak concrete high-rises, empty restaurant patios, glossy office buildings covered in cloudy reflections and finally came across a park with a forested pathway. An old familiar tune began to blast through her ears, hitting her brain like a freight train. She wanted to cry and scream and to just disappear off the face of the planet as the words began banging around in her skull like a bird stuck in a cage. Your skin and bones, turning into something beautiful, d’you know… She couldn’t take it; she ripped the cords out of her ears and hurled that stupid piece of technology into the depths of the forest, leaving her in a world of silence. She ran faster and faster down the pathway until her lungs burned and eventually collapsed onto a grimy wooden bench. 

                  She had always been a runner, and a good one at that. She’d run at track meets during her elementary and high school years, she had run from her house and moved in with her mother when her father married that other woman, she had run away from all her high school relationships, and when the time came, she had run to the other side of the country for university to get away from her parents and that small, suffocating town she called home. And now she was doing it again. 

                              Collapsed on the bench, breathing heavily, head in hands, a single tear rolled down her cheek. Every ounce of her was exhausted. But the second she stopped running, she began remembering. Remembering the blue of his eyes, the sound of his voice, his hand on her skin. She remembered the look on his face when she walked out the door, the teary eyes of her friends when they said goodbye, the look on her parents’ faces when she got on that airplane, the last looks.       

                              With a heavy sigh she hauled her body off the bench and began to aimlessly wander further down the forested path. Even though her ipod now sat somewhere among the ruffled leaves on the mossy floor, she could still hear that song, and felt a pang of sorrow as the melody dragged her into the dark depths of her mind. She couldn’t stop playing the song; their song in her head, she had become a broken record. D’you know, you know I love you so, you know I love you so… With each note she fell deeper and deeper into her memories, even the best memories now felt painful. Days at the beach, his laugh, his hand in hers, quiet mornings in bed, his smell, his kiss, the look on his face when she told him. She tried to stop the memories, she didn’t want to think of him, but everything reminded her of him. Everything. That dreadful feeling was growing inside her, she missed him, she missed him so much that not just her heart but her everything seemed to ache, it almost felt like her soul ached. Could a soul ache? Was that even possible? She wasn’t sure but right now it felt like someone was playing tug of war with her heartstrings and she was losing. 

                    15-06-2012

                    I know I said I’d be okay

                    but goodbye is the hardest word 

                    I ever learned to say 

                    you taught me how to love

                    but not how to lose 

                    now losing my mind

                    when everything reminds me of you

                    we’re all just victims

                    of circumstance 

                    guess we were always meant

                    for a tragic romance 

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